1. Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand,Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. John picks the short one."Break it to her gently," the rest urge.
"Leave it to me," he says.
When Smith's wife comes to the door, John says,"Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
"How much?" The wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"
2. Trying to comfort an old lady whose husband had recently been killed in an accident, a social worker gently asked her about the terrible event.
"Oh, it was so unexpected," said the widow. "Tom told me he was going to buy some lettuce for dinner. After a while, a policeman came to the door and said he'd been hit by a bus while crossing the road and had died instantly."
"Oh, you poor dear," said the social worker. "Such terrible news.Whatever did you do?"
"What could I do?" the old woman responded. "I had to open a can of peas."